Yep, you read that right. This is literally the guide we know you all have been waiting on. We have kept our ears to the streets and compiled a guide for you to serve the most professional “clap-back” to those who just don’t know how to get it right in an email addressed to you.
We’ve done quite a bit of research and have found some of the wittiest, most brutal, yet professional clap-back responses to emails that prompt a round of applause. Like, how can some of our colleagues be so ridiculous? The real question is how are we so quick to clap-back? The answer is- we were made for this! Below you’ll find some of the best responses to crap emails and when/how to apply each response.
“Hey there Jill, in the meeting earlier today you mentioned your plan of action. Can you recap that for me?”
“Hey Joe, as previously discussed in the meeting…”
This is a classic. The person who doesn’t pay attention in the meeting but is expecting you to repeat everything you have already outlined and explained in written detail because obviously your time is not valuable to them. Our suggestion, attach the notes you already made and go make yourself a cup of coffee. You have more important things to do, like not spend time on that response email.
“So Keisha, is it true you are no longer sending notes on your meetings?”
“Please review the forwarded email that I sent this morning with an outline of new office practices…”
Now, they know good and well that asking you about your changed policy isn’t going to make you change it back. Nobody is the exception here and moreover, if they already know the answer, why ask the question? Let’s just hope they start paying attention in the meetings moving forward.
“Taylor, I haven’t read through my emails because there are so many but, can you tell me where you discussed our new client expectations?”
“Alex, you can find our new client expectations in the email I sent an hour ago. Thank you.”
Do NOT come to me for information I have already given you and moreover, do NOT admit you haven’t read the information that I did send you. I will not waste another precious moment on your laziness. Don't forget, to always say 'thanks' just to end it all on a polite note. That's what a professional would do, right?
(hits reply-all when it’s not applicable) “Hey Kris, how boring was that presentation from Alicia?”
“Hey Bryan and Kris- not sure if you noticed but you accidentally copied the entire company on your email. I would like to suggest further email training for you both. Also, thank you for your opinion of my presentation. I do hope you apply all the knowledge I offered and meet the company standard when I do your quarterly performance review. Thanks.” - Alicia
“Way to go Bryan.” - Kris
“My apologies, Alicia. I didn’t mean to hit reply all." - Bryan
These are the best. Want to know who’s really in your corner at the office? Well, just wait around for the inevitable reply-all mistake email. The fools always show themselves, eventually. Best way to handle negative commentary- show them who’s boss and hit that reply-all with your most firm, I’m-not-here-for-your-crap response. You will stand out on top and they will avoid you in the break room for at least the next week.
Honorable mention responses:
“And moving forward…”
“Please review my previous email and let me know if you have any questions, comments, or concerns that aren’t already explained.”
“For future reference…”
“Please see screenshot below.”
“As per company policy…”
"Please don't try me today." (Ok, don't really use this one. This isn't really professional.)
Quite honestly, the list could go on (thank you for starting this conversation with your post, @DeeRenee_!) We know everyone has dealt with emails that waste more time than time should allow and while we want to pop-off, these folks aren’t ready and risking our job is never worth it. So, read, breathe, think, laugh, then respond. Got a clever clap-back? Please, share in our comments section below.